Coming Home

Jakub_Schikaneder_-_Vecer_v_zahrade_(1907-9)

My dearest readers, let me first offer an apology for the length of silence and my neglect of my page.

I last published in January of 2018, and so very much has occurred since then.

As you might (or might not) expect, I have delved into more Jungian psychology, done a great deal more self exploration and confronted some stark truths, all for the greater good (I hope).

I have listened to hours of recorded talks and lectures by a clinical psychologist I highly respect and greatly admire, read more, and spent a good deal of time on my creative writing, poetry mostly. I’ve also toyed with the idea of creating an offshoot of this blog and sharing some of it there.

In the time I’ve been away, I felt a bit defeated in some respects, as far as this project is concerned. I’ve pulled this sight up countless times and I still have six drafts unpublished in the queue. My struggle of late has been questioning what it is that I really have to say and who gives a damn about it, frankly.

What do these articles accomplish? What value do they bring to those who may happen upon them? Is it vanity or arrogance that drives my desire to publish my thoughts and opinions? This warring dichotomy in my brain, one part saying “it’s okay to not know what you don’t know until you know it” the other “it’s okay to know what you know, even if people don’t want to hear it.”  I’m not being totalitarian here, please don’t misunderstand me. It has been my experience that the further I delve into myself, the more I confront, the more I see others fighting the same battles.

Then, the other voices of the committee in my brain chime in:

“You’ve been told you’re a talented writer, so why aren’t you writing?”

“If anything you have to contribute can be of use to another person you have an obligation to do so, otherwise you’re wasting your talent”

“At the end of the day, this makes you happy, and that’s okay.”

 

It’s a constant tightrope walk; feeling the desire to be useful and to contribute in whatever way I can yet not allowing that desire for usefulness become vainglory and false humility, to not be arrogant or dogmatic, to be steadfast yet not tyrannical. The lines between these concepts can get blurry, to say the least.

At the end of the raucous discussion in my head, the president of the committee uses its veto power, becomes rather authoritarian, bellows from the chair at the head of the table while pounding a fist and says “dammit, you love to write, so you’ll write!”

Meeting adjourned, and alas here we are.

 

As expected after a long trip, I have brought souvenirs, one of which I’ll be posting later today.

My deepest and most sincere gratitude for all of you who have read, followed, commented and will continue to do so.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s